


To Be Seen

by Entireoranges



Category: So Weird (TV)
Genre: But it changes so quick, F/M, Gen, I suck at tagging, Takes place 2001-2002 time frame, Tried to keep technology correct, mention of alcohol use, warning of depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24790354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Entireoranges/pseuds/Entireoranges
Summary: Molly has been struggling lately and those around her are at loss for what to do.
Kudos: 1





	1. Coffee Shop Set-Up

**Author's Note:**

> I started this over a year ago and finally decided to post what I had. Because why not right?

"What about him Molly?" She swallows down a sigh and has to tell herself not to roll her eyes as she continues to sip her custom coffee in which the barista confused the regular for decaf, but it was hot liquid for this near freezing mid afternoon.

"Oh she's right! He's a hottie." With Annie's remark Molly couldn't hold back anymore and lets her eyes fulfill their desire; she still refuses to look in the direction they were now somewhat staring rather rudely in. Molly could only hope this little cafe was crowded enough the target of their gazes won't know he was exactly that.

"No." She says sternly, reaching for the remainder of her blueberry muffin.

"I don't see a ring." Irene quips in almost a sing-song inflection. Annie nods eagerly in agreement.

"Give it up."

"Come on Molly! You were saying just the other night you were interested in maybe looking for a nice guy and he looks pretty nice! What's the harm in talking to him?"

"I don't know maybe he could murder me?" Molly sarcastically snaps back with more attitude than she had meant to fire.

"You're being ridiculous. Look Molly I'm not telling you what to do - '

"That's a first." Molly mumbles under breath.

"I heard that. As I was saying I'm not telling you what to do but you could sorta use this. If not him, anyone!" The two older women exchange looks in hopes the younger one won't pick up on the reality of the situation; Molly wasn't interested in a meaningful relationship that would end up with exchanging vows a year or so down the line, she was interested in something that would be over in twelve hours tops.

"I'm capable of finding someone on my own."

"Are you sure?" Molly shots Annie a look.

"Sorry." She quickly mutters. Molly slowly shakes her head and picks at the crumbs of the muffin, she did know they both meant the best and Irene was right she could certainly do with a little stress reducer. Still this felt wrong. Curiosity gets a hold of her and she at last looks up.

"Damn. He is cute."

"Told ya!" Irene and Annie accidentally say in union.

"Oh shush both of you! I'm still not talking to him.' She watches both of their faces and can almost see the wheels in their heads spinning for the next approach, wondering if there was even a next approach? 'We're only gonna be in town until Friday. I really don't see the point in talking to him. Or any guy for that matter."

"You don't need three days for a one night stand."

"Annie!" This time Molly joined Irene in the unison speaking. So she did know what was being alluded to all this while.

"What? I mean there is nothing wrong with wanting to - "

"Okay this conversation is over. Again thank you both for trying to help but it's not gonna happen."

"Well it doesn't really matter because it looks like he has a girlfriend." Irene announces. Molly finds herself surprised by the tinge of hurt from those words. She never was gonna pursue him, but there was an excitement with this maybe and what ifs, now it was officially squashed actually stung a bit.

"See? There you guys go! And speaking of go we should get a move on. Rehearsals start in thirty don't they?"

"Yeah. Maybe next time huh Mol?"

"Keep on telling yourself that Irene."


	2. Desire

"Mom we're about to start a game wanna play?" Jack announces from the table in the center of the dual transportation and home.

"What are you playing?" She asks politely, though in reality no matter what he replied with the answer would be the same.

"Monopoly. I'm hoping to finally out number Jack in the win column!"

"That's impossible, seeing how the record stands at seven wins for me and three for you so even if you manage to win it won't out number me."

"Seven to three?! No it's five to five!" The foolish hope this won't become transformed into an argument is quickly vanished as their two voices steadily raise octaves.

"In what reality?!"

"This one! Come on Jack you know damn well I won at least five!"

"Language." Molly says almost impulsively.

"Sorry. Molly! Tell him I'm right."

"No."

"See? Told you!"

"I'm not saying you're right either Jack, honestly I don't know. And keep in mind others besides yourselves have won too. Just play the game and don't worry about keeping a record of wins. Ok?"

"Ok. Are you joining us?"

"Thank you, Annie I'm good though." She watches the blond haired girl smile and turn around in the booth and a few seconds later the well known sound of a pair of dice hitting the table is heard. Molly herself turns positions slightly to get a better view outside the window and quickly changing scenery; mainly just trees. Her fingers absently mindlessly rub over the glossy magazine that somehow had ended up in possession, she suspects it was Carey's or anyone from the crew who had particular fondness for guitars and more particularly the gear aspect. The articles thus far had been fairly boring, the guitars displayed were true pieces of art. Molly considers turning back around and away from the mirror of the world and back to reading (or flipping if she was being honest) but there was something about the peaceful serenity being laid before her. She could still hear Jack and Annie in quiet and behaved tones. A few times she hears Ned clear his throat and cough softly, still trying to fight that cold that had been plaguing him for about ten days now. Even with all that included the hum of the engines and routions of the wheels she felt a sense of comfort in this semi-solitude.

Semi-Solitude wasn't a new thing for Molly, it was some of her best moments from this hectic schedule and pressures being pushed at her from all fronts. There had been a time where the stillness bothered her more than anything else, if she wasn't doing anything she wasn't accomplishing anything and that in her mind equated as a loss and a failure. Now in these moments she freely lets her mind race and explore her past, present, and future seemingly all at the same time and to think about things she desperately wanted but couldn't have; one being she let slip to Irene that she wanted and Annie had accidentally overheard and dive bombed right into the conversation.

She wanted a guy. She wanted to be held. She wanted to feel like a woman. She knew their attempt a few days ago in Green Bay was done with the best and kindness intent; but Molly didn't want to feel cheap and desperate. She sighs and closes her eyes, the reality reminded with this life on the road, different cities every few days and contracts and business commitments meeting a guy for what she wanted could only be done in that cheap and questionable nature.

"Hey Ned?" Molly flips back to a fully seated position and calls out to their chauffeur.

"Yeah?"

"We'll have a day in Chicago before the show right?"

"Pretty sure. I think Irene has you down for an interview at some place not sure exactly where I think..."

"That's alright Ned. But the evening will be free?"

"Yes. Why?"

"No real reason. Just looking forward to a few days in a nice hotel."

"Oh me too. Me too!" Ned says with a laugh as another weak cough escapes. Now she had about a day and half to come up with a plan without making herself feel too slutty and fulfill the scratching desire.


	3. Wendy Summers

Blond really didn't suit her. She stares at her reflection in the full length mirror and debates silently with herself about if this collection of fake hair should remain on her head or be tossed in the trash receptacle. Tonight was about true anonymity and while Molly knew the single act of covering up her natural hair color wasn't really going to make a lick of difference, still it gave her a small sense of power of pretending for just a few hours she was no longer Molly Phillips; but rather she was...

"Hello I'm Wendy Summers.' She says the first name that popped in her head. 'Oh God really?!" She laughs turning away from the mirror and towards her bed for the next two nights her single suitcase laid upon it pulled open, a few items rearranged. She touches the wig and slightly grasps at some of the bottom faux locs and considers pulling it off. She could never be a Wendy. This would never work. What if someone recognized her and the story landed on some D level trash magazine? How would ...

"Stop it!" Molly forcefully yells at herself. She spins back to the mirror and makes herself smile. The feeling over this empowerment begins to circle her aura again.

"Hi, I'm...' Once more she giggles 'Wendy Summers. Why the hell not right?!"


	4. Business Or Plessure?

Nervously she pushes the tiny stirring straw back and forth in the brown nearly gold tinted hue of the drink she slowly had been sipping the last forty minutes. Harder liquors such as this often not on the top of her to go list, preferring either a wine or even a good old simple beer would do the trick. Wendy Summers did whiskey, whiskey straight to be exact, and this evening it was about Wendy wanted and not what Molly liked. A local neighbor dive bar full likely of the bottom of the barrel rift rat initially had been the first place she had considered going, hook ups at joints like that were almost guaranteed. But again Wendy was more classy, she didn't do sex in a bathroom, nor would she take a taxi to a stranger's home. The only really viable option was a posh boarding on a snobbish piano bar at a five star hotel. Molly had already booked a room in anticipation of the night turning out how she wanted. A full glass of what appeared to be the same drink she already had appears in front of her.

"From the gentleman at the end." The bartender said with a wink having seen this and similar scenarios played out like this for what she assumed was decades. Her heart is turned up in her chest. Could this be happening? Could this be it? Is it too late to leave? The doubt begins to flood her. The idea of being picked up at a bar while pretending to be someone else sounded like fun; now the real test was about to begin. Molly forces herself to look up a thankful and polite smile on her face, it automatically turns to a genuine smile. Christ he was hot. She mouths thanks. He gives a half nod and without losing eye contact removes himself from his stool and begins to move her direction. Molly is half convinced she is about to barf, now that would be an epic end to this evening.

"Hi.' He takes the empty seat on her left. She still can only stare forgetting how to speak. 'I'm Andy."

"Wendy." Comes out timidly after what she assumed was five minutes, though she knew in reality only a handful of seconds had elapsed.

"It's wonderful to meet you Wendy. What brings you to Chicago? Business or pleasure?" She wasn't sure if he meant to say pleasure with such seductive tone, her gut reaction was he knew exactly what he was doing. She really hadn't come up with a story and almost kicked herself for not planning ahead.

"A bit of both actually."

"Oh that's nice." Molly stares at her hand in near disbelief as his own begins to rub the top of it. Damn he wasn't wasting any time! She knew that should make her excited, this was exactly what she wanted, still it left a feeling she had never experienced previously. Stop thinking. Just go with it! Wendy pushes herself forward again.

"But I'm a bit sad if I'm being honest." The ironicnisty of that word isn't lost on her.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Anything I can do to help?"

"My cousin kept telling me how nice the guys are here and so far...' She shrugs. 'You know it hasn't worked out yet."

"Well that's unfortunate to hear. But hopefully I can help with that. I'd hate for you to tell your cousin she was wrong."

"Hell I'd likely tell her anyways!"

"Yeah I know how that goes.' He raises slightly from the stool, removes a leather wallet from his back pocket; Molly notices its monogrammed FSL which doesn't exactly make Andy really seem fitting, but it's not like Wendy was in a place to judge or question this development; he tosses a fifty dollar bill on the bar. 'Hey what do you say Wendy if we continue this upstairs in my suite? I can show you how nice us Chicagoan's can be?" Her initial reaction was annoyance as she had plunked down that much money on a room that would never get any use. Her second reaction is the apprehension about to knock her over.

"That sounds lovely Andy."


	5. Morning Reality

“Yeah I know these third shift hours suck Shannon but you know I couldn’t pass up on the pay. Just a few more weeks and things should go back to normal. I do appreciate everything you're doing to keep our lives in somewhat normalcy. Is Emma up yet? Put her on. Yeah I love you too babe. Hi Emma darling! Were you a good girl for mommy?” Molly loses the battle and few tears fall as she listens to Andy; or whoever the hell his name is attempting to speak quietly from the other room. The possibility that she’d sleep with a married man or at least someone in a committed relationship had not crossed her mind now the reality was she had and it made her feel like total trash. She lifts her head slightly for a better angle at the clock 7:19. She knew someone would be knocking on the door of the room she was supposed to be in by at least 8.

Molly sits up fully and is met with her reflection or rather with Wendy's because Wendy did this; Wendy had no qualms with pulling down a stranger’s pants within five minutes of being in his hotel room. Wendy didn’t care if he had to take his daughter to daddy and me art classes at 11 or that he promised Shannon he’d make sure to have the reservation set for their anniversary next week. Molly cares about that stuff. She notices the wig has become lopsided revealing the truth, she quickly adjusts it just as his footsteps approach.

“You’re up. Do you need any money for a cab?” His tone is nearly a 180 from what he presented previously.

“No I’m good.” She doesn’t know if she’s supposed to thank him, ask for his number (as if she’d ever use it) or in general what the standard approach in this situation is.

“Alright. Well check out is at 11 feel free to take a relaxing bath or watch some tv until then.” Molly watches him circle around the suite collecting his belongings.

“Thank you. I’m good. I should be leaving.” She searches around for her clothes, spotting them on the chair in the corner.

“That’s fine. Wait about five minutes after I leave ok?’ Molly nods. ‘I do hope you had a nice time Wendy. I know I did.” He moves towards her to what Molly assumes is to caress her face but she jumps to her feet and makes a beeline to the needed chair before contact can occur.

“Yeah. Sure.’ She mutters as she pulls on the skirt. She jumps a bit when the door is pulled open and closed almost immediately. ‘So that’s how one has a one night stand huh?” She questions herself as the tears gush down. She hadn't thought of the aftermath or considered the guilt that might be created over these events. Despite the knowledge she was an adult, of clear and present mind, and she willingly made these decisions that landed her here Molly still feels dirty; she felt absolutely filthy. She considers taking him up on the offer to use the bath or at least a shower, turning to the time she knows that isn't an option. She quickly finishes putting her outfit on, and without a second look exits the room.


	6. Butterflies And Bagels

"Molly! Where were you?!" Annie anxiously inquires as Molly rounds the corner in the lobby of far less superior hotel she jumps not expecting to have to explain anything almost immediately upon returning; if at all.

"What do you mean?" Molly softly smiles. Annie doesn't return the action.

"I had been calling your room since 7:20 and then knocking on the door since 7:30. So where were you?!" Molly's smile fades and annoyance begins to flood her, trying to understand when exactly anyone but especially a 15 year old had the right to question her whereabouts in such a fashion. However now wasn't the time to get into that and the smile (though weaker) returns.

"I decided to take a walk to clear my head."

"In this weather?' Molly nods. 'Wearing that?" Her winter coat covered and concealed the top part of the outfit; the part she knew helped catch Andy-whatever-the-hell-it-actually-was eyes, but her bare legs being held in this skirt is a different story.

"I'm trying to get used to wearing it." The moment it left her mouth Molly knew it was stupid, Annie's face reflects she is thinking the same thing.

"Okaaaaay." Comes slowly drawn out.

"Why were you looking for me?" She hopes to stir the conversation away and towards anything else before Annie can begin to question further and possibly even piece everything together on her own. That would be the knife seven inches in her gut.

"I was hoping we could get some bagels at that cafe we passed yesterday and we thought that looked cute?' Molly vaguely remembered the place and it was just your average hipster coffee place. 'And then we could go here?" Annie reaches into her back pocket and removes one the tourist pamphlets and gives it to Molly's stretched out hand.

"The Colors And Flights Of The Butterflies?"

"Yeah! It features 100's of butterflies and a beautiful garden of ..."

"Annie?"

"Sorry honey but it's closed for the winter season." Molly places her finger under the small print that listed the seasonal hours.

"Oh. Well we can still get bagels right? I missed talking to you last night." She gives the girl a genuine smile of the morning having to respect her thread fast enthusiasm.

"I would have thought you would have enjoyed having a room to yourself?" It had taken a while to convince Irene to rent out the extra room not understanding why the girl's couldn't share one as they had countless times before; and much as she knew in her heart nothing questionable would have occurred if Jack and Annie bunked together it was still a move that wasn't going to happen; and eventually while still grumbling choice words Irene followed the request.

"It was alright I suppose. Nothing was on TV so likely I would have just talked with you. But I understand you wanted some privacy." Annie gives a wink which almost makes Molly shudder. What exactly did that mean?!"

"Morning mom. Hey Annie. If you guys are heading to the breakfast bar it's over there. However I won't bother it’s...yeah don't waste your time." Jack walks towards them holding what appeared to be a styrofoam cup of orange juice.

"Morning sweetheart."

"See Molly? We should hit that cafe.”

"Cafe? What cafe?"

"You know what Annie I could use a shower why don't you guys go? Here is a few bucks." She reaches into her bag being careful not to expose the wig that had been shoved in there during the five minute taxi ride and pulls out forty dollars handing them to Jack. Annie once more gives a look of wanting to inquire deeper on the true nature of events.

"Cool! Thanks mom!"

"I do except some change back." The excitement on Jack's face fades.

"Yeah of course. So Annie where is this place?" With only a quick wave from them both Molly watches them head towards the elevators assumingly to get their coats. She waits a few moments before doing the same, completely ready to rid the filth from last night off her skin. She won't be surprised if it took an hour to start to feel clean again.


	7. Worth Caring About

"Thank you everybody! Goodnight!" Molly addresses the crowd with a farewell for the second and final time after their standard encore of two songs following the first goodbye. The band waves to the politely cheering crowd and exits the stage towards the small talent and crew section only of the venue. She remains on the stage a bit longer, far enough from the microphone nestled in its stand to stop the remaining audience members from thinking she was about to give a solo stripped down performance. Judging and grading performances was something Molly didn't keep track of, certain ones pushed forward in her memories as practicality pleasant ones where herself and everyone else on the stage absolutely did their best and the audience was equally energized, such as the show two years ago in Tampa. On the flip side there had been shows where nothing went right, gear malfunctioned, the patrons were unreceptive and almost rude, those shows made you wonder if retirement wasn't out of the question. This show slotted nicely in the middle that on most occasions after a few days when asked to describe the experience she honestly would come up blank and lie and act as if it were a Tampa level performance. She has a feeling this show will be different, not for what transpired on the stage but rather what happened the previous night and early morning and the memories of it will constantly haunt her.

"Everything alright?" She snaps around to Carey on the far edge of the stage, his guitar still being strapped around him, she notices the ninety percent full crowd of paying listeners had changed to more like twenty percent; how long have I been standing here looking like a damn fool?! She thinks to herself as she gives Carey a half smile.

"It's fine. I was just..." Her words trail off having no idea how to complete that sentence.

"Lost in thought?' Molly nods stepping towards him and the series of four stairs. 'You've been doing that a lot. You sure everything is alright?' Carey gently places his hand on her shoulder and gives it an equally gentle squeeze. She was keenly aware not this day but in the last few months her spacing out and her semi-solitude periods on a few occasions had been noticed by others, but rarely did anyone with real concern question the reason or reasons of there existences, just assuming it was usual stress of life. For a moment she considers confessing to everything and emptying this new life long burden.

"Yeah. Just a bit tired I suppose. Don't worry Carey, I'm fine." He couldn't handle the truth, nobody could.

"Ok. If you insist. Dad wants to be on the road by 11:30. If that's alright with you?"

"Of course it's fine."

"Are you sure you're ok Molly?" The confession is fighting to fly out of her once more.

"Yes. Stop worrying about me." He shrugs.

"I can't help myself, you're worth carrying about."

"Carey! We could use a hand over here!" Harris from the roadie section of the assembly calls out, with Sean out with a broken wrist the construction and deconstruction of the equipment had to make a few adjustments, mainly relying on the help of those who often weren't involved. Carey pulls the guitar off and hands it to Molly.

"Coming!"


	8. Paranoia

The guilt in the last few days went from a tingling feeling in the back of her mind that if Molly concentrated hard enough or confidentially using the energy that was Wendy she could tell herself this was pure foolishness and it simply get over it. Soon though that guilt morphed into something far deeper and terrifying, it had become a paranoia. Paranoia she had become a horrible person that didn't deserve respect from anyone and paranoia that Andy knew the truth of whom he slept with and would willingly sell this tale to the highest bidder. She tries to use the voice of reason within her to tell herself despite the fact he was cheating on his significant other (and she assumed she was neither the first nor final) she could hear the love emanating from him during that early morning telephone conversation and he'd do nothing to risk hurting them in such a way. He also made no hints no matter how subtle he may have known whom Wendy actually was; being in the limelight to some degree or another for decades Molly knew when a person has recognized her and quickly for a plethora pretends as if they didn't. Sill. All Molly could think was 'he knows.' 'he's going to tell.' 'everything is ruined.'

"Hey Molly." She looks up from her usual position on the bus to Irene holding the clipboard of everything.

"Yes?" A smile is barely able to be generated.

"Remember a few months ago I mentioned my high school friend Glen? Well he..."

"No." Molly narrows her eyes and forms her mouth into a tight line.

"Hear me out! He lives in Omaha or on the outskirts and..."

"Stop! Just stop! I'm not interested. Not in him or anyone!" The two other conversations being held in other surrounding areas freeze and all attention is laid upon Molly who is now standing face red and full of rage. She feels the adrenaline racing through her veins.

"What the hell is your problem Molly? Not just this bullshit but overall?!" There is an equal mix of concern and true annoyance in Irene's words.

"Maybe I'm just tired of everyone butting into my damn life. I am well capable of fucking things up on my own."

"What are you talking about?" The annoyance level has dissipated a bit, but the frustration still shines fully on Irene's face.

"Me. I'm a total fuck up and a loser..." Suddenly the reality of everything comes crashing around her and the bus feels its shrinking around her.

'Mom?" Jack nervously calls out as he watches his mother do what he could call unraffle has she panically looks around in every direction.

"I can't. I can't. I can't..." The two words repeat over and over as Molly drops to her knees and begins to sob.


	9. Short Straw

Fresh from a miniature bath via the closet sized bathroom sink Molly exits and purposely avoids eye contact with everyone. Every fiber within her wants to head straight to the sanctuary of her quarters, slide the door shut and hibernate until their next destination is reached, do the show, and return to the room once more for an indeterminable amount of time. Molly never showed weakness or a hint of her true emotional state when feeling vulnerable, with only a handful of exceptions that is. Molly Phillips didn't break down and cry in front of anyone else. Molly Phillips didn't discuss why that moment occurred; and if she did it was a quickly created lie of general stress and tiredness. Still she could sense all of them knew those words had been untrue, she could only hope they took the hint and didn't push.

"Do you want to watch a movie with us?" Annie offers in a timid timbre. Molly turns wistfully towards the needed promise land and it's bed with a nice quilt perfect for that hiding and avoiding; but that won't work for an attempt to play as if everything was fine with the events fifteen minutes prior being a strange freak occurrence.

"What are you guys putting on?" The catalog of selections was limited.

"Not sure. Likely something light hearted. Seems like a good night for it, you know?" Molly nods softly.

"Yeah I know. Honestly I'm not sure I want to sit through a movie. But you guys are more than welcome to put one on and all catch bits and pieces from the table. Ok?" It feels the best compromise in her mind, conclusion with the group without being directly involved.

"We can do something else if you want mom." From the couch sorting through twenty dvds Jack looks up and offers.

"No. Really guys I'm fine. Go on and watch your movie." It takes a few more questionable looks from all parties involved before Annie sits on the couch next to Jack who had pried one a case and reached over the dvd unit and slid the selection in. Disney animated. Molly almost laughs, it didn't get much light hearted then singing and dancing cartoon animals. She turns towards the bedroom once more; no one would question the early bedtime or need for privacy, she tries to tell herself. Inhaling deeply she takes the few more steps to the table and takes a seat at the table. Back to the tv and everyone else as well. She closes her eyes and drifts away.

"Why are you lying?" Carey's voice in a hushed whisper causes her jump; she hadn't fallen asleep but had come pretty close. From memories of previous watchings of the film Molly knew had been playing for about twenty five minutes.

"Did you draw the short straw?"

"Excuse me?" He takes possession of the bench in front of her.

"I know you guys are dying to know what the hell is wrong with Molly but the group intervention approach would be overwhelming which meant someone had to be selected...so again I ask, did you draw the short straw?"

"We don't have any straws. Not since Annie's science project."

"You know what I mean Carey."

"I do. And no I wasn't selected or forced to come over here. I'm here of my own free will. Because I care. Hell we all do."

"I realize that." She really did. But this fight between protection of her privacy and wanting to relinquish the demons was gonna be an epic one.

"Are you drinking?" His voice has lowered even more and dispute being inches from him Molly struggles with confidence of what he asked.

"Am I drinking?" She repeats at equal volume.

"Yeah. I mean I won't tell them. But I want to make sure everything is ok?" The two of them would always have a bond when it was discovered a stop by visit to his old dorm of his roommates drinking problem; leading to her confession of how in the worst of times she trusted the liquid more then the people in her lives; and the anguish and struggle of realizing it wasn't the way to live.

"A few here and there. Nothing to be concerned over."

"Are you sure?"

"Look Carey, I can neither afford or have enough privacy to be a raging alcoholic even if I wanted too."

"Ok I believe you, still you're hiding something. We all know it."

"Am I not allowed privacy?"

"Of course. This however, tonight and just the last few weeks...I'm worried. Keeping it bottled up isn't good. Please talk to me. Hell if not me anyone of us." Molly closes her eyes and shakes her head solemnly. She takes a few deep breaths before attempting to speak, fearing more than words would come out.

"I..I can't. Please respect and understand that." She opens her eyes again to see a very hurt and almost equally pissed Carey.

"Fine whatever. But you and I both know this secrecy is gonna kill you or cause a breakdown far worse than that. Still I'll respect your wishes."

"Thank you. Do you want to join the others?" Carey shrugs.

"Sure why not."


	10. Blueflowers

Molly lifts up the lid of the laptop she purchased a few weeks after Fiona headed to stay with her aunt. A mixture of wanting to keep in touch with her daughter and with being on the road nearly half the year, letters seemed a questionable communication aspect. Still after all this time Molly still couldn't say she enjoyed being connected and found the whole process and what the internet could offer overwhelming and a bit terrifying. The kids including Annie affectionately refer to her as a dinosaur but soon gave up on getting her to fully explore its wonders.

Molly sits in her room with the door half open as she waits for everything to boot up. From the table there is a spirited game of uno taking place only herself and Ned who is driving them are absent from the battle. As she waits her mind begins to wonder again.

The following day after what she now referred to as the event felt as if it dragged on endlessly with hours repeating multiple times. The day after that still left a feeling it was taking longer than it should have. By day three after the breakdown it was finally as if the fog was lifted and just a normal day and night. On day three also seized the sad pity looks and each Irene and Jack had made their attempts to detract more information; lying to the second was nothing short of a knife in the heart.

This is the first time in which Molly felt her not being with the others won’t bury her with an avalanche of questions and pleads to be a part of the group. She loved them all, would do anything for them, and so forth; just sometimes one requires a moment or two to be by themselves.

Just like every internet exploration Molly heads straight to her email. Scans the in box and without opening deletes eleven clearly spam and scam attempts. A handful were business correspondence in which Irene had forwarded her on; those too she often ignored unless specifically told to look at or reply to such and such. Molly trusted Irene and the decisions she made for everyone involved.

“There it is.” She says to herself as the corners of her mouth begin to bend upwards. Rockerbaby. Her baby. Molly opens the email and her first gut reaction was disappointment, it was short, like shamefully short. She knew Fi was busy and now in the throws of teenage-hoodness and writing emails to one’s mom wasn't a priority.

Hey mom. Hope everything is good. I got a B on that social studies report. I know its not an A but seeing how much I struggled with the material I’m happy. I might try out for the debate team. Tell Jack thanks for all the practice. Love you.

Molly hits reply and quickly composes a response of mainly just reactions to what Fi had shared. Congratulations on the grade, a B was never anything to be ashamed of, and a verbal thumbs up to debate team tryouts. She adds the most basic updates of events of the previous week, the highlight event the candy shop Ned requested to stop at and departed with nearly fifty dollars worth of butterscotch discs.

Leaning back in the chair she stares at the screen; to tell of the event or not? Molly valued her relationship and honesty with her children especially with Fiona, but this was an honesty to remain unsaid. Perhaps Jack would mention it himself, though Molly doubted that; he’d view his inability to help as a failure he wouldn't want that known.

She moves forward again, types I love you, mom. And hits submit the screen returning to the email directory, as she is about to hit the red colored x in the corner her eye catches one mixed between two forwards from Irene with a subject line of ‘Pardon me but are you Molly Phillips?’ Her heart starts to pound. This is a private account, the name of Blueflowers having no connection to her identity did someone get this?

“Hey mom! We’re about to stop from some lunch. Are you voting for pizza or burgers?” She lowers the lid down, putting the laptop to sleep.

“Burgers are fine.”

“No! Come on!” Molly chuckles at Irene’s playful outburst and joins the group as they are starting to put on their jackets and other winter gear.

“Maybe we’ll find a place that has both.” She tries to reassure her friend verbally and with a pat on the back.

“Doubtful. Very doubtful.”


	11. Talk Of Sports

As they step back onto the bus from lunch break and breath of fresh winter air everyone retreats to solidarity placements; Irene to the table, Carey and Jack plop onto the couch each pulling out a magazine and book, and Annie heads towards the bedroom sliding the door shut. During the meal she had mentioned having a headache and mentioned a nap could possibly be in her future. Molly's first reaction is to head to her room as well, perhaps to nap as well, open that mysterious email, or simply just be; but she fears two rounds of purposely staying away from the group would re-raise the flag.

She opts for the table and begins to shuffle the deck of uno cards that hadn't been slid back into the box. Irene looks up from her cellphone and gives a half smile not even pausing from her rapid texting speed. Molly watches her for a bit in amazement, another example as to why she felt like a dinosaur; it just seemed too much and overwhelming despite the pleas from nearly everyone it was easy and a great way to keep in touch with others. Fiona had tried to make it their primary communication window but soon gave up on the field.

"I'm sorry." Molly says slightly startling herself, she had been thinking it but had not planned on saying it.

"Ok. For what?" Irene places the phone down and looks up confused. Molly shrugs and attempts not to laugh, now that was a good question!

"For a few nights ago with your old classmate. I know you were just tryi..."

"Don't worry about it Mols. I should have minded my own business. You're perfectly capable of meeting a nice guy." That's what you think she bitterly thinks.

"Yeah but still I should have at least met him. Speaking of, did you and Ned have a good visit?"

"It was fine. The guys ended up talking sports majority of the time so having a fourth would have helped. But I get it." Irene without even meaning to had a good way of engulfing someone in a blanket of guilt.

"Who knows I might have joined the sports talk." The ladies look at each other trying to keep a straight face and almost in unison erupt into a fit of laughter. Molly respected sports, knew the rules and details for most, even helped a time or two with a pick up game of softball or basketball, but she was never a true fan and found lengthy conversation on any sport boring. The laughing felt good, a feeling that had been missing for a while.

"Care to share with you rest you two?" Carey asks peering over the magazine.

"Nah."

"No I think we're good."

"Sure. Fine, fine have your little secrets." He teases before returning to the chosen reading material.

"You do know if you need anything. No matter what I'm here for you. Right?" Molly smiles sympathetically at her best friend.

"Yes I know. Thank you."


End file.
